Feeling The Guilt

Today I realized that there are times that things my wife says makes me feel really guilty. Now, I want to make this clear before anyone starts thinking it: I am a good husband. I do work around the house. I try to show love and caring for my wife. While I do make mistakes, I genuinely try the best that I can, and I think I do a good job. I don't mean to sound cocky, but I just mean to clarify. My wife disapproves of me staying up later than her, because she likes me to be next to her when we sleep or she disapproves of me going out and things like that, and therefore, when I do stay up later, even if I am just purely relaxing, or I do go out with a friend once every few weeks, it make me feel guilty. It makes me feel like even though I deserve to have time to myself, as everyone does, because I don't do the things she wants, she makes me feel bad about it by saying a one-liner or just showing her disapproval. It really does make me feel guilty, and that is not something that a guy like me should deal with late at night when everyone is asleep. I admit that I am more sensitive than most people and the things that make me feel guilty may not make others feel guilty, but the facts are the facts, and I have been feeling guilty around my wife at times...like I am not the person she wants me to be and that is a sad and depressing feeling, which can lead to the way I try to block those feelings out that I know all too well. Again, the point of posting is so I can see my emotions and try to work with them. I hope other people can weigh in. Thanks

Introduction

Hi. My name is Shmuel. (It really isn't, but I am going to go by that name.)I am a 23 year old married man. The reason why I am starting this blog is because I am an Orthodox Jew who is addicted to lust. I have been masturbating for ten years now. It first started before I even knew what I was doing and now it has turned into a full blown addiction. I have tried to quit for about nine of those ten years, but have never been sober for more than say 50 days at a time and that has only happened once. Most of the time it is every other day or every few days. As much as I try to stop myself, I have not been able to . I am addicted. I watch inappropriate TV and look at inappropriate things on the internet. I have grown up on TV and I can't seem to cut it out of my life. I have gone to therapy and that hasn't worked either. I am starting this blog as a way to let out my emotions and to express how I am feeling, which will hopefully provide another outlet instead of masturbation. I like to write things down so hopefully this will help. I know a lot of people deal with this problem so hopefully people can relate and offer their opinion on things that I am writing. I hope to share more with you, but right now, this is all I have time to write. Hope to hear from you all.